15 June 2024 Last updated at 03:25 GMT

Why you are not married... yet

Why-you-are-not-married-yetThere is so much being written about why people and in particular women, are not married.

For us singles out there, while we may be the ones who buy the books, read the articles, watch the movies and absorb anything that will give us answers to why we haven't gone down a traditional route - I am sure I can speak for most of us who draw in a deep sigh everytime we see a headline that remotely resembles where we are in life.

Today, in the Sunday Life Magazine, there is an article written by Clementine Bastow about the latest book on the topic, Why You're Not Married..Yet: The Straight Talk You Need to Get the Relationship You Deserve.

Wow! Not again. I have read every self-help book imaginable and yet I don't think I have progressed much further down this road, simply because I don't have time. Is that a crime? Should I put focusing all my efforts to conforming to the norm - if this is in fact what the norm is supposed to be?

As we get older, we do realise that there may have been a few things that we have missed out on along the way. If you are a career woman and anything like me at all, you may have missed your friends birthdays or weddings because you have been overseas or in the midst of a big deal, having children because the right person didn't come along at the right time, or learning to play tennis, speak french or go on safari - simply because spare time was always used to catch up on things you had missed out doing.

I don't for a minute feel sorry for myself and nor should I. I have had a full life, travelled the world and achieved everything I have ever dreamed of achieving - albeit my dreams were never as big or ambitious as people around me may think.

I laugh a lot and still cry when I watch a sad movie. Gosh, tears rolled down my eyes today when Isaac Lamb proposed to Amy Frankel in an elaborate marriage proposal seen by more than 6 million viewers on YouTube. I spend a lot of time with family and friends and share the enjoyment of my friends having children.

My life is good, but I know it could be better.

What can I do about it?

According to this book, I need to change.

You're a bitch

Well, who isn't - male or female? Seriously, we all have emotions but some show it in different ways. Would one prefer that when one is mad, they go bury their heads in a pillow and scream to their hearts content, then walk back out with a huge smile on their face, as if they have just walked on the set of Pleasantville?

You're a mess

"There's an easy way to tell if something is affecting your ability to be in a relationship, and that is whether or not you want to keep it a secret."

Bollocks! Seriously, I don't need to share my personal finances with a man I am dating and as for emotional issues - who doesn't have them. Yes, I do think the latter requires attention and everyone should at least spend some time in the counselling chair, but calling someone 'a mess' because they don't share every single thing with a 'new prospect' is ridiculous.

You're crazy

I have to smile at this one because what woman out there isn't crazy at least a few days per month. We can't help it! Men, please understand that we would like to if we could but unfortunately, unless we take loads of drugs, we are subject to being at least a little crazy once a month. Just go out with the boys or spend more hours in the office - then come back to a 'less crazy' and 'more normal' me.

I never understand why some men cannot understand why women go a little crazy. If they take 3 days out of the month and disregard anything said or done in that time, they are sure to see a person who may well light up their lives and give them everything that they ever dreamed of and more.

You're Shallow

Seriously, who isn't? I really want a tall, dark, handsome, successful, witty gentleman who whisks me off my feet in one swoop. Reality is that I usually date overweight, short, bald, emotionally retarted men who are selfish and self-absorbed with no romantic bone in their bodies. No wonder I am single. Occasionally, I look at photos of myself with some of the men I have dated and have thought "what was I thinking - look at him and look at me". Not that I am overly special mind you, but at times I have really 'batted below my average' in the looks department. At the time however, I probably thought the guy had something about him that had me hooked at least for a little while. I really don't think there are too many women out there (other than cougars) that go out with men just because they fit a mould of what they would like a man to look like. For all of those women who are going out with or better still, are married to, eye candy, god bless you! How many successful men go out with bimbos with large silicon breasts, fake tans, whiter than white teeth and little between their ears?

You're A Liar

"Have you told yourself you don't want a relationship when you really do?"

Hell no! I want a relationship, but I am not going out of my apartment each day with a sign on my forehead saying that "I am desperately seeking a man". Are you kidding? By not looking desperate, even though perhaps deep down I am heading that way (lol), I am sure I have more suitors than if it was the other way around. I, like many of my female counterparts, want a relationship that is meaningful and fills our hearts with love, but it will happen when we least expect it - right?

This brings me to...the realities of being a businesswoman.

You can't have everything. A career that is fulfilling takes time and energy and often there is little left for much else. Right now, I can't think of anything more fulfilling than waking up and hopping on my computer to work on my current capital raise. It's like having a hobby that you are totally in love with and can't get enough of. Sure, I would love to wake up next to a man I am in love with, but then I wouldn't be where I am today, if I had done that.

It is a catch-22 being a career woman and finding the balance to be a wife and/or part of a family.

How is your career impacting your ability to have the perfect balance?


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